Thursday, December 31, 2009

SPEECH DELIVERED AT AVINASHILINGAM HOME SCIENCE COLLEGE, COIMBATORE ON THE EVE OF INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

Good Morning to everybody,


Today when I stand before you- a large group of young and beautiful women – frankly speaking I feel quite nervous. I sincerely think it is easier to face a riotous mob than a dignified gathering of so many women.

However, having agreed to come and take part in the celebrations of international Women’s Day and to speak to you all my mind, I must try to discharge my duty however tough it mayappear.

Today we have gathered to celebrate womanhood – you would all agree with me that it is wonderful to be a woman – The God has endowed us women with certain innate qualities such as affection and care which make us women so special. If you ask me, the essence of womanhood is in these two attributes – affection and care. Working women should not leave, I repeat, should not leave these qualities at home but take it to work place and apply it whole heartedly there. If a woman can make a difference at work place – it is because of these special attributes which are so natural to her. From my experience in Police, I would emphasize that they are much valued and useful in Police environment also.

I must remind you that capability has nothing to do with gender- women are as capable as any one else – only there are some special roles which society has assigned to them – ie home making and upbringing of the children.

My suggestion to those who are opting to go out of home to work is to be self reliant. Look after your affairs yourself as far as possible. If you have a mother or a mother-in-law to help you – it is well and good. Otherwise, hire domestic help, seek help from your spouse and bring up children in a manner that they are also able to look after themselves.




Whether we choose to go out to work or not, home making stays our primary responsibility. A word of caution here- let us make homes- let us not break them. I get lot of women petitioners whose complaint is that my husband listens to his parents which is causing lot of disturbance in my household. Advice my husband to separate from the parents and not to listen to them. I wonder since when listening to parents has become a crime - I ask them - would you teach your son not to listen to you?

One small suggestion regarding dealing with the husband – accept him as he is and don’t try to change him. I have known women who have spent their lives trying to change their husbands’ habits and ended up in misery. May be some of the “fortunate” ones are successful in doing that but my point is – it is not necessary. Supposing you like to drink tea – he likes to drink coffee, there is nothing wrong or right about drinking tea or coffee. Both of you can sit together and drink – you - your tea and he – his coffee and enjoy the togetherness.

I once come across a friend of my husband who was expressing his jubilation as his wife was leaving for her parent’s home. I was shocked to see his response. This made me to think – would I like my husband to be happier when I am not around. Certainly not- Then I must allow him to do things which he likes so that he does not look forward to my going away. I sincerely wish my husband who is living alone in Chennai is not a “happier” person due to my absence.

To extend it a bit further – let us live in a way that when we die, someone genuinely feels a loss, someone sheds 2 drops of tears.

What about making this a motto of life-“Be happy and make others happy”. Only a happy person can make others happy. We ourselves will not like to associate with unhappy people. Let us ask ourselves at the end of the day- how many people I made happy today- or otherwise.






Few things help in reaching towards this goal-


Forget and forgive- Two very simple words but if applied to our day to day life, may change it entirely. Misunderstanding keeps happening all the time with the persons we are in close contact with – with our parents, husband, friends or at work place. If we learn to forget a small un-pleasantness caused by some loved one and learn to forgive them – the life would be much happier for everyone. When you remember a wrong done by some one every time, you come across that person – it creates lot of negativity in you and in that person too and definitely saps your happiness.

There are few things that are not taught in any college – e.g. empathy and understanding. These are two wonderful qualities that help in living life in much happier manner. Empathy and understanding – both ultimately mean – trying to see things from other person’s point of view and trying to understand why they are behaving in that particular manner. A situation or behavior, if not understood properly, may lead to disastrous results. I remember an old Hindi movie in which the heroine wants to give surprise to her husband on their wedding anniversary. She goes out with out telling the husband to his painter friend’s studio to get a portrait of herself and present it to him. One day on suspicion, when the husband follows her and peeps through the door, the painter is adjusting her hair and the husband draws some expected conclusions and abandons the wife – how the misunderstanding is sorted out is the rest of the story.

This may be an extreme example but lesser examples we come across all the time – Once I called a friend of mine, who is also my junior in service, 2-3 time over few days and she did not respond – I was almost thinking what’s wrong with that lady and was about to conclude that it is a very impolite behavior on her part not to return my call. But soon she called and told that she had had a miscarriage recently and had suffered a lot physically and emotionally. Just imagine without knowing and understanding her situation-I had started blaming her.

Please remember most of the hurt is caused by the loved ones only. The strangers don’t have that much capacity to hurt. This term empathy I will extend to our everyday situation at the home-let me treat my mother-in-law the way I would like my mother to be treated by my brother’s wife. As I am myself reaching towards becoming a mother-in-law, I think being a good daughter-in-law is much simpler that being a good mother-in-law. Any way, I hope and wish my daughter-in-law finds me a good mother-in-law.

This bring me back to the thought that whatever else a woman does-she may be the most successful business owner, Lawyer or Teacher- the most central job to her remains brining up her children. I would consider success at job hollow if the children have not been brought up well. Life can be tough sometimes. Let us have the attitude to overcome problems instead of allowing the problems to overcome us.
There are so many things I can go on saying. Let me bring you back to the planet Venus to which we women are supposed to belong. – Every woman in beautiful in her own right. With a good heart and a pleasant disposition –a woman exudes beauty no matter what her external features are.

On this International Woman’s Day, I extend my greetings to all of you and wish you all success in your life.


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